What is the "Lifestyle"?

Let me share a story. My LS friends, my wife, and I went to a local bar on a Friday night a few weeks ago, or if you are reading this in the future, at some point we went to a bar. Probably at least 30-40 LS people descended on this poor Vanilla bar, and we were having fun.

So much fun, in fact, that the vanilla people in the bar started noticing. I went to the bar to order a drink. Out of the corner of my eye, I could tell two ladies were watching me. As I am a naturally outgoing person, I said hi. We started talking, and one of the ladies inquired if I was married. I said yes, honestly. She then pointed out I did not have on a wedding ring, a point of clarification I accidentally gave away a few years ago, but no, I don't wear a wedding ring. I told the ladies I was, in fact, married; my wife was on the other side of the bar. They then asked if my wife would have a problem with me talking to two women. I said no because I am a swinger, and we live by different rules than the rest of society.

Shocked, one of the ladies declared that she was a swinger as well. I told her she was not. Aghast that I would say that, she asked how did I know. I replied that swingers don't say they are swingers to other swingers; we say we are in "the Lifestyle". That's the secret code word.

To solidify this, later that night, these ladies asked a friend if she was a swinger as well, and my friend replied, "No, she was not a swinger; she is in the lifestyle." Boom. I call that a win.

So what does "lifestyle" mean in this context, and why don't we say we are swingers within our community? Why did I tell this woman I was a swinger instead of saying "lifestyle"?

In this case, I don't care who knows what I do, so let's slide that to the side and clarify what lifestyle means. We may say we are swingers to vanilla people because no one knows what lifestyle means in the vanilla world. Lifestyle is our own internal code word that we use to denote what we do. "Swinger" as a description is actually falling out of favor collectively in the LS (lifestyle abbreviated, see there is another term, LS) in general.

The word Swinger has negative connotations that we all want to shed and does not adequately denote what we do, what our hobby is and how this is more of a lifestyle than a state of being. We may engage in the act of "swinging" but we are not swingers and other Lifestyle people will know that.

I can usually gauge how long someone has been in the Lifestyle based on whether they openly call themselves swingers or if they say they are in the lifestyle. We don't use the term swinger in relation to what we do. We engage in ethical non-monogamy as a lifestyle. No reputable business that caters to lifestyle activities will use the term swinger either. It is not used for marketing or advertising either.

If you are a vanilla person, who is what we call people who are not in the lifestyle, and you stumbled onto this article and now think you have discovered some great secret of swingers and now you want to tell everyone, it's not that big of a deal.

Congratulations, you know one of our code words. This does not mean you are in the club, it does not mean that you are now privy to any secret knowledge, no more than knowing that pineapples might be a symbol, maybe.